I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
