obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
All the doctor said was why
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
