Swine flu. Run for my life!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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