now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
