The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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