Soap is not a condiment
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
