i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
