her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
