i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
