bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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