The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
