took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
