I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
