hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
