Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
