you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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