dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
