your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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