last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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