dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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