The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
