My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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