Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
