Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
