she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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