I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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