So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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