i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
