you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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