Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
