My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
