he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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