HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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