Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
