The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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