ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
