Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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