dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
