Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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