That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You are a genius and a whore.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
