I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
