their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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