I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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