apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
