at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
