he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
