erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
if only i could text you this smell
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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