Buhtt sex?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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