you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
