my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
