that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
