There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
